If your child listens to classical music:

The Haydn Effect:

Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.

The Bach Effect:

Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.

The Handel Effect:

Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.

The Beethoven Effect:

Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.

The Liszt Effect:

Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important

The Bruckner Effect:

Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.

The Grieg Effect:

This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.

The Wagner Effect:

Child becomes a megalomaniac. Speaks for six hours at a stretch.

The Schoenberg Effect:

Child never repeats a word until he has used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talk backwards or upside-down. Eventually people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him.

The Ives Effect:

Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.

The Stravinsky Effect:

Child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that lead to fighting and pandemonium in preschool.

The Shostakovich Effect:

Child only expresses themselves in parent-approved ways.

The Cage Effect:

Childs says exactly nothing for 4 minutes and 33 seconds. Preferred by 9 out of 10 classroom teachers.

The Glass Effect:

Child repeats one word over, and over, and over, and over....